Panicatthediscokid's Journals

PureRedRum

I was nothing,
And then you came along,
You said I was your everything,
What did I do wrong?

How could you do it?
Why did you lie?
Why'd you rip out my heart,
Then leave me to die?

You made me suffer,
For a long, long time,
You didn't care,
That you put my life on the line,

I was ready to give up my life,
Because I felt I had failed you,
But you've made your own bed,
Why didn't you stay true?

You promised me you'd keep me,
Time after time,
I believed you,
I didn't know everyone else you were giving that line,

I hope you know what you've lost,
You don't disserve me,
I did nothing but love you,
But you didn't see,

If you didn't want me anymore,
Why didn't you toss me aside?
Like every other boy,
You only cared about your pride,

You used me,
You used her
You used the other three girls,
I hope that you really did lose your whole world,

I don't love who you are,
And I never will,
The boy I thought you were,
Was who gave me the chills,

I shed gallons of blood,
Over your lies,
Because I felt safe and loved,
For the first time in my life,

You've ruined me boy,
Your stain can never wash out,
No matter who tries to fix me,
I have no doubt,

I could have died over you,
Trapped in endless sleep,
Never knowing,
You were never good enough for me,

You're not worth the madness,
You're not worth the pain,
It isn't my fault,
You're the one to blame,

I'll try 'till I die,
But I'll never forget,
The comfort, the sorrow,
But mostly the regret.

The Betrayal Comes Before The Heartbreak

Benji, my love of three months, and I are no longer going out and never will again. He had FOUR other girlfriends!! I was the first and he loved me and the second girl Lea the most. Im SO done with him!! I gave him a piece of my mind. Hes so worthless and I feel stupid for trusting him.

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

I Died On BUZZNET

D:
I never go on here anymore. :P I always forget too and that sucks big time!! Like NONE of my friends talk to me on here anymore, I dun have time for my groups, and I dun really have the time to be on at all. Im always on myspace. Anyways...I dun know what to say now.
PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

ps.
I almost forgot. I havent posted it yet, but like two days after I posted that last Benji and me worked it out and were doing spiffy. Full details later.
=]

And I Die One Day At A Time

Cuz I Just Cant Seem To Get You Off My Mind. No Matter How I Try. Try To Kill The Time. I Think That Im Just Going Crazy. One Day At A Time...
{I hate the Jo Bros. Kay? Kay.}

Well me and Benji...We kinda fell {deeeeeep} in love. {like HE was the one talking about our wedding and naming our kids and shit! Not me! O.o} I had the BEST date with him but I didnt kiss him. And now Im grounded from the phone and hes out of state. So I sneak txt him a nice: "Hey baby! Im sneaking my phone. I missed you so much! I love you!" and I get back:"Um..............We need to just be friends for a while." D= I ask him why and he LIED to me and told me he was joining the army. -_- Then I finally get the truth and his excuse was that he has alot going on and he wants to take a break right now so we'll last forever. O.o Then he turns around and says:"BUT DONT YOU DARE THINK I DONT LOVE YOU MADELINE!" So Maddie is very confused and hurt right now. If this doesnt work out she has no reason to live.{Just saying. That doesnt mean Im going to kill myself!}She doesnt want anyone but her Benji....He owns me and all this time I thought I owned him. I gave up EVERYTHING for him...

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE
{PAIN.DISAPPOINTMENT.WEAK-ATTACHED-HEART-BROKEN-EMO-KID}

ps. Sorry I suck and sorry Im so lame like that.

When A Boy...{fwd msg maddie got. Its awesome!!}

When a boy is quiet ... millions of things are running in his mind.

When a boy is not arguing ... he is thinking deeply.

When a boy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he is wondering
how long you will be around.

When a boy answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... he is not at all
fine.

When a boy stares at you ... he is wondering why you are lying.

When a boy let you lays on his chest ... he is wishing for you to be his
forever.

When a boy wants to see you everyday... he wants to be yours 4eva.

When a boy says ' I love you ' ... he means it.

When a boy says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more
than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person....

Find a Guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot...

Who calls you back when you hang up on him...

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

Wait for the guy who ...kisses your forehead...

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats...

Who holds your hand in front of his friends...

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how
lucky he is to have you...

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

{Ive got all of that!! :D}

Proof and Puddin

[plz ask for explaination on the Puddin part.]

Ohk incase of doubt here is proof that Im going out w/ Benji::

Iâ�™ll get you all a kissing picture if this disturbingly gross picture of us isnt good enough for you. :P
So like we went to the mall and I had a GREAT time. Funny enough we only held hands when I saw my mortal enemy and when I saw my parents. I very much enjoyed his touch. I gave him my favorite necklace and he was such a girl!! Hes like, â�œOh I cant fasten it.â� So I played his little gameâ�¦And liked it. ;D I wanted to kiss him SOOO bad but I didnâ�™t want to be pushy. I was about to txt him and be like â�œShe said â�˜what are you waiting for??â�™ â�œ but I didnâ�™t. I should have tho. :P Well any ways when I left I hugged him and I didnâ�™t want to let him go, but I whispered â�œI love youâ� and he said it back. Then I leftâ�¦And yes I was in a bit of trouble for holding his hand. Whatever. Even if it was the most trouble Iâ�™ve ever been in, every second was well worth it. x3

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

You Are The Best One Of The Best Ones

Maddie is gushing like blood from a head wound. x3
I love him so much.
Hes everything to me and Im nothing with out him.
Iv had about 8 bfs and gfs now and number 9 is more special to me than all of them put together.
I cant live with out him...
Dont think Im a lameo/sap/whore or whatever. If you actually know me then you know Im not like that.
Even if you do think that, look how much I care: 0%
Benjamin Lee Christopherson has stolen my heart...And I hope he keeps it forever.

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

The Bitch Is Back!

So hears the deal. Im going to TRY to be back on BUZZNET now. Kay? Kay.
=]

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

D=

Maddie cant be on much anymore, but I love all you buzzpeeps!!

So my rents took away my music...AGAIN! So ofcorse Im very upset about that. I was doing stuff I shudnt have been when Benjamin txtd me this;;
From:Benji

Ok well thank u! i love u! u rok! and byee i guess
2dieis2live

CB:555-555-555
Tue, Jul 8, 12:06 am

[obvs made up number so stalkers cant call him]
So Im very happy right now. I wuz ganna tell him I love him when he got back so I cud tell him in person, but yea.
^^
:o! Hes coming home friday!

Ohohoh! Mysti is in Washington. It seems really great there. If youve been tell me. Anyways, mui rents will be home soon so...

PEACE.LOVE.MADDIE

Green Crayon

Give Alex Gaskarth p-nut buter and a green crayon this year at warped.